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Look for the Light Houses

Updated: Aug 6, 2023

Sometimes I wonder what jokes we would have made after you made it out of the woods if they kept trying.


If I didn’t tell them to stop.


If I gave you 5 more minutes of CPR.


Remember the day I moved out when I was like 19 and I moved all my stuff when no one was home because I couldn’t bring myself to do it with the family there. I know that made you sad, but I also know that you know I didn’t really need to make a special trip back that night for whatever lame thing I said I forgot. Mom and I started crying. You got up and hugged me for like 5 minutes while I cried because I was leaving home. Told me I would be okay, and you guys weren’t going anywhere, I could come home anytime no matter what. That was by far the best hug of my entire life, I revisit that moment often.


When I was probably like 12 and you said I could have all the money in your pocket/wallet if I licked the dead fly on the sliding glass doors to the back yard. Man, you sure egged me on too lol Mom told you to stop messing with me and told me not to do it.

You laughed more. I licked the dead fly.

I was absolutely sure licking that fly was financial security for the rest of my life until you pulled your pockets inside out and handed me thirty-something cents.

Well played Dad well played.

I know you are with me. I know you hear and see all the things and changes in all our lives since you physically left. I talk to you daily. You send signs and winks. Your love still helps to get me through the days I am unsure I can get through. I’ve learned to remember the good times far more then the bad and I’ve also been able to replace the last images I have of you with the uncountable good ones when you pop into my mind. Of course, sometimes the hard stuff slips through, but it is no longer all encompassing. I can breathe between the waves and sometimes the waves are tiny now, rather than the constant hurricane’s in the beginning.

Right now, I suppose this wave is not so tiny. No worries, I have become skilled at finding the lighthouses.

I sure would lick all the dead flies that have ever existed in the history of ever for one more hug though.

I miss you more than words. Happy Father’s Day Dad.

Love you, Be good.






TLJ: The song playing in my ear pod right now.

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Oct 11, 2023
Rated 5 out of 5 stars.

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